To raise yourself

Ever since my youngest daughter, Maggie, was a tiny baby people have said "you all look so much alike". She didn't have the red hair I was born with, but every other part of her face looked like mine. It was interesting to see yourself so clearly in another human, as my other daughter, Tyler, really looked (and still does) much more like her Dad. As it turns out, Tyler looks a lot like her Dad and has many (okay, almost all ) of his personality traits. He gets her. He understands why she may or may not do things. Then we have Maggie, who it turns out not only looks just like me, but acts just like me. Our personalities are very very similar. How wonderful right? My husband and I have our own little mini me running around. Well, the me I am today is a far cry from the me I was at 8.

I began to wonder if my parents simply ignored me and let my older sisters deal with me? Maggie, God love her, is a wonderful child. But the things about her that are like me can drive me completely insane. She will SCREAM when she does not get her way. I mean the girl can scream. She will continue to cry and scream for a long time. I will say to her, Maggie, this has never worked for you, right? I never give in when you scream, in fact when you scream it makes me dig my heels in more and NOT give you your way. But guess what? I am then behaving just like her! I am stubborn, I want to do things my way, I think that only I can do things correctly. I am old enough now that I can cover those things up, that I can give in without really giving in. But in reality, some days I want to scream.

It is exhausting always having to prove my point to her, to convince her that my way is the best way. In her mind, her way is the best way and she does not like to back down. So when I was so thrilled to have a little mini me, I forgot to understand what that really means. She is willful, strong, determined and completely content with herself, not feeling that she needs to change. Fantastic qualities when you can manage them as an adult.....................

I can only hope to get through the next 10 years unscathed. Luckily, she is also very good at making me laugh!